skipping

wow did i need that. a hard 4.5 mile run - which translates into 7.2 kilometers. i ran up 33rd from hancock to prescott. that hill is a killer. i do it every time i know i have to kick my ass. today i needed to kick my ass something fierce. i've been lazy. i've been moody. i've been bitchy and reclusive (actually a good combination - at least i'm not subjecting anyone to the bitch). i've been self-defeating and insecure. i've just been feeling generally shitty for about a week.

so i hauled my ass out of the house tonight, under the clouds. the people next door were playing their music REALLY LOUD and while it was early (8pm) i was annoyed. i wanted to get all old, crotchety lady on them and scream "TURN DOWN THAT INFERNAL NOISE, YOU RUFFIANS!!!!" they had the music on shuffle. and it was meandering from gretchen wilson to 50 cent to the goo goo dolls and it was just too much for me. and how dare they play music and have fun playing volleyball in the courtyard when there is a raving bat-shit crazy pissed off lunatic in apartment 2???

yeah, um, i figured it was i who needed the adjustment, not them. so i ran.

and i ran and ran and ran.

i kept saying to myself - if you need to walk up the hill, it's okay. i didn't. if you need to turn at fremont and head home, it's okay. i didn't. if you need to walk on prescott, it's okay. i didn't. if you need to walk after fremont, it's okay. i didn't. if you need to walk at knott... at brazee... at tillamook... i didn't. and suddenly i was standing at the stop sign across from my apartment, huffing and puffing. i walked down the street in front of my house, spent, winded, but happy. and this ball of emotion welled up in my stomach and lumped in my throat.

and i cried.

just emotion. not happy, not sad, just a release of pure emotion.

so i can do this run this weekend. no sweat. and everything else in my life that feels out of sorts right now - all of that will be okay, too. the clouds - they are temporary.

not that you are the most unbiased of audiences, but if i made little note cards out of my pictures of rocks from the cabin, and say if you saw them at a little gift shop in wallace or kellogg - would you buy them? like a packet of 10 with matching envelopes?