clackamas river runoff

spurred on by the enthusiasm of good friends, i participated in the clackamas river runoff today. i think this was originally carl's idea, and in my post bloomsday euphoria, i thought "hell YES sign me up for the 15K DUUUUUDE!"

then, reality set in. and i ran maybe 1-2 times in the two weeks following bloomsday. hm. had to get training again. oh, and uh... that 8K is lookin' might-ee fine right 'bout now. sign me up.

reason being, this time i wasn't nearly as disciplined. i ran 2-3x a week. didn't really push myself until this week. that, combined with this being a trail run... and i've never done a trail run... i wasn't quite sure what to expect of myself. i knew i could do it, i just didn't know how i would feel AS i was doing it. i guess that is something, right? knowing that i can do these things... even if i haven't adequately trained?

the group involved was made up of prue, carl, sesa, roger and alex. and me. the race was at milo mciver state park, which is out near where julian lives - only you go toward carver/estacada. prue, carl and i got there earlier than we needed to, so we checked in, got our goodie bags (mmmm! vanilla hair gel!) race numbers and t-shirts (the t-shirt thing is getting annoying...). we killed time watching mt. bikers cruise the parking lot, scoping out the competition. everyone there looked pretty heavy duty - not like the diverse crowd of twinkie eaters to kenyans at bloomsday. these folks were hard core for the most part. most people were participating in the tri and duathlons and the 15K.

the weather was ideal - overcast and cool, no wind. i was praying the sun wouldn't come out before we started at 10:15, and it didn't. we started at the back of the pack - prue, sesa and i ran together for about the first mile, then sesa peeled off and ran ahead. bunny! we were passing a few people, but i set my cruise-control slow and steady pace as we entered the woods. the path was gorgeous - winding through dense, moss-draped old forest. towering firs and pines, giant grey stumps like ghosts - cut down who knows how long ago... for some reason i've always been drawn to these stumps, with the notches in them where the men stood on boards to saw the giant trees down by hand. i see them up in idaho and i imagine the men who felled them...their lives.

then the hills started. at first, each hill was followed by a descent - ah sweet relief. until this one hill. oh. my. good. god. make it STOP. it just went up. and up. and up and up and up. crap, i walked up that shit with a 60 pound pack on my back last year, but damn if i couldn't run up it. i had to walk. i was in good company, it turns out. after that hill, i thought i might need to walk more - my thighs had become pudding-like - bill cosby was following me with a spoon. but for the most part after that the hills were manageable. i had to keep a wary eye out for roots and rocks - the terrain slowed me down a couple times, but i kept a pretty even pace, and prue was right behind me.

we heard music, and the p.a. announcer. were we close? or was the sound carrying?? i thought we were close, but prue kept her hopes in check. then some light peaked through the trees... okay! we've done it! we reached the clearing... someone told us not to let the guy behind us catch us so we quickened our pace and crossed the finish line together. sesa, roger, carl and alex there to greet us with water in hand.

not sure yet what my time was, but if prue's watch was right it was under 50 minutes - maybe closer to 45? so either a really good pace (for me), or the course was shorter than 8K - hm... we'll see!

we had a post race brunch at the harmony house, where julian joined us and alex treated everyone to breakfast. good coffee, home made bread, biscuits and gravy, eggs, bacon, potatoes, omelets, hash...and one juicy sloppy reuben. the only thing i didn't get - if they go to the trouble to make this fantastic home made bread - explain to me the....uh....smuckers? really? is that the best you can do in the jam department way out there in the sticks? good lord you can't turn around out there w/o bumping into a berry-laden fruit stand. and they insult their heavenly bread by offering tiny plastic blisters of mass produced jam? people. where is the outrage??!!

if that is all i have to moan about, and apparently i have to moan about something, well then it was a pretty damn good day. smuckers. whatever.

skipping

wow did i need that. a hard 4.5 mile run - which translates into 7.2 kilometers. i ran up 33rd from hancock to prescott. that hill is a killer. i do it every time i know i have to kick my ass. today i needed to kick my ass something fierce. i've been lazy. i've been moody. i've been bitchy and reclusive (actually a good combination - at least i'm not subjecting anyone to the bitch). i've been self-defeating and insecure. i've just been feeling generally shitty for about a week.

so i hauled my ass out of the house tonight, under the clouds. the people next door were playing their music REALLY LOUD and while it was early (8pm) i was annoyed. i wanted to get all old, crotchety lady on them and scream "TURN DOWN THAT INFERNAL NOISE, YOU RUFFIANS!!!!" they had the music on shuffle. and it was meandering from gretchen wilson to 50 cent to the goo goo dolls and it was just too much for me. and how dare they play music and have fun playing volleyball in the courtyard when there is a raving bat-shit crazy pissed off lunatic in apartment 2???

yeah, um, i figured it was i who needed the adjustment, not them. so i ran.

and i ran and ran and ran.

i kept saying to myself - if you need to walk up the hill, it's okay. i didn't. if you need to turn at fremont and head home, it's okay. i didn't. if you need to walk on prescott, it's okay. i didn't. if you need to walk after fremont, it's okay. i didn't. if you need to walk at knott... at brazee... at tillamook... i didn't. and suddenly i was standing at the stop sign across from my apartment, huffing and puffing. i walked down the street in front of my house, spent, winded, but happy. and this ball of emotion welled up in my stomach and lumped in my throat.

and i cried.

just emotion. not happy, not sad, just a release of pure emotion.

so i can do this run this weekend. no sweat. and everything else in my life that feels out of sorts right now - all of that will be okay, too. the clouds - they are temporary.

not that you are the most unbiased of audiences, but if i made little note cards out of my pictures of rocks from the cabin, and say if you saw them at a little gift shop in wallace or kellogg - would you buy them? like a packet of 10 with matching envelopes?

wet water

i have one week until my next run. for some reason, i'm not all that excited about it. my plan is to take a long run tomorrow, take monday off, run tuesday and thursday, both shorter runs. maybe a bike ride on wednesday - then friday off and then run on saturday. it's only 8K - i know i can do it. i'm just not feeling the anticipation...

i ran this morning. a short one, first one since i've been back from idaho. i ran 2x while in idaho - the first time waiting until too late in the day, going a little too far (up to lost creek and back) and it about killed me. the sun just beat on me all the way back. at such an angle that shade along the river road was minimal, and the rocks and pavement were like baking stones. i stopped to refresh myself in a sprinkler some kind soul had running by the road. didn't realize until after i'd been soaking in it for a couple minutes that the kind soul himself was relaxing in the shade of his porch, watching me with a bemused grin on his face. we chatted for a spell, and then i ran on back to the cabin. lessons learned from the first run - go early before the sun gets too high over the ridge, and keep a bottle of water at the bridge for that long dusty walk back to the cabin. the second run went a little better - wasn't quite as hot, i went down river instead of up so the sun wasn't in my face on the way back, and i left a water bottle at the bridge.

just took a short run this morning - it is already getting hot. cool shower afterward - the water about the temperature of the rain in baton rouge. warm but cool. what is it about that temperature of water that makes it feel wetter? like it doesn't just dampen your clothes or skin, but permeates through you - into your flesh and blood and bone and soaks your soul. it is sad and beautiful. like tears.

i took this picture the morning of july 4, 2006 while sitting on the little dock in the river...